Question from a reader:
My ex-husband has repeatedly engaged in emotional abuse and domestic violence, and I am truly struggling. Although I received compensation after filing a lawsuit, he seems to think his actions are not criminal. He refers to the violence as “just holding my neck,” and he often makes statements that undermine my worth, even telling me to leave
the house. I hired a lawyer and finalized the divorce, but because I claimed compensation, he ended up with a large amount of debt. He says, “I’m suffering because of you,” and expresses a desire to remarry, but from my perspective, it’s his own fault. Every time he shares his struggles and complaints, it adds to my stress. Since I have a child with my ex-husband and receive child support, I have to meet the child once a month, so I reluctantly keep in touch. Even if he says these things after the divorce, is there really nothing I can do as long as I don’t mentally break down?

Liberation from Emotional Abuse and Domestic Violence and the Subsequent Struggles

Hello to everyone reading this blog. I am a male university student majoring in psychology. Today, I want to address the story of someone suffering from emotional abuse and domestic violence from their ex-husband. I hope this will be somewhat helpful, as it includes content close to actual legal advice.

The Reality of Emotional Abuse and Domestic Violence

First, let’s reflect on the reader’s situation. It is stated that the ex-husband repeatedly engaged in emotional abuse and domestic violence, which is a very serious issue. Experiencing violence or psychological attacks leaves deep scars on the victim’s heart. From my position studying psychology, I understand well how such actions can drive a person to the brink. Many may not realize that emotional abuse is not just “verbal violence,” but it seriously undermines the mental health of the victim. Furthermore, physical violence like domestic violence is equally unacceptable. When your ex-husband says it was “just holding your neck,” it reflects the self-centered thinking of the perpetrator and is a classic example of shifting responsibility.

Legal Perspective

As mentioned in the reader’s question, you requested compensation after the divorce, and it was granted, which is a significant first step. Legally, emotional abuse and domestic violence are recognized as torts, and claims for compensation are often upheld. However, dealing with someone like your ex-husband, who does not reflect on his actions, is very challenging. What is important here is to consider not only legal measures but also mental care for self-defense. For example, seeking counseling or talking to trusted friends and family can help alleviate the mental burden.

Child Support and Its Impact

Since you have a child, this creates a very complex issue. Receiving child support is necessary support for the child, but continued contact with your ex-husband may cause mental stress. Especially when he complains, you might find yourself struggling with how to respond. I would like to make a suggestion here. There should be legal arrangements regarding child support, but if your ex-husband’s situation changes, it is possible to consider revising the payments. Consulting with a lawyer and, if necessary, requesting a modification of child support is one option.

The Importance of Communication

After experiencing emotional abuse and domestic violence, how you communicate with the other party becomes very important. Particularly when a child is involved, you must consider not only your own feelings but also the child’s feelings. It is crucial to remain calm and handle the situation without becoming emotional. I understand your desire to tell your ex-husband, “That’s not right.” However, if you engage in repeated arguments, it could create an unhealthy environment for the child. Therefore, it is essential to strive for as constructive communication as possible.

Protecting Your Own Heart

The most important thing is your own mental health. No matter what your ex-husband says, your worth does not waver. It is necessary to take measures to protect yourself before your mental health deteriorates. For instance, regularly attending counseling or making time to immerse yourself in hobbies can be beneficial. Additionally, regularly meeting with trusted individuals to sort out your feelings is also important. To protect your heart, sometimes it is necessary to consider keeping a distance. Your happiness should not be entrusted to anyone else.

Conclusion

Escaping from emotional abuse and domestic violence is not an easy path, but taking that first step is a wonderful achievement. I hope that by pursuing legal procedures and mental care in parallel, your situation will gradually improve. I cannot predict how your relationship with your ex-husband will evolve, but I encourage you to prioritize your own peace of mind in your actions. Mental health is the most important thing. I hope you believe in a future where you can be happy and take one step at a time.